Ranma onehalf Special
by Masaka1
Summary: A new arch in the story of the cursed halfboy halfgirl Ranma and his fiance Akane is unraveled in this story. In an act of desperation Soun Tendo hires a matchmaker for our favorite pair and the couple is not exactly thrilled about it. Ranma X Akane
1. Chapter 1

Soun Tendo held the letter nervously in his hands. The words emblazed upon it made his gut churn with guilt. He realized he shouldn't have done this, but what other choices did he have? The fate of the Tendo Dojo, nay the fate of the very art of Anything Goes Martial Arts had been at risk.

Yes Soun had done what any man in his dire position would have done. He could not be condemned for his decisions…then why the feeling of dread crawling up his spine?

Mr. Tendo read the letter once again:

_Dear Mister Tendo;_

_Our association received your letter about one month ago._

_We were very moved by your story about you daughter Akane _

_and her chosen fiancé Ranma. __Rest assured we have analyzed _

_your situation with the greatest of care and have dispatched our _

_best apprentice to handle the situation. _

_You can expect the agent to arrive within the week following the _

_delivery of this letter._

_We at the Lover's Last Chance Gypsy Caravan and Corporation _

_believe that there is no match made on earth that cannot be made _

_ever-lasting._

_We give you our best wishes and will be waiting for your first _

_payment. The deadline for the check is August 23rd. Please note _

_that if your payment is late our agent cannot give you the best work. _

_Also all our agents are licensed to curse all debtors._

_May all your love-affairs turn out pleasant,_

_CEO and Caravan Patriarch Yvonne Valentino._

The first check was due on the twenty-third of this month! Oh what was Soun going to do? He had never PAID for services for as long as he'd run the dojo? The school was all but bankrupt from paying for damages and repairs as it was! How was he going to gather the funds to pay for a match-maker?

"This has to be the worst idea I have ever had," Soun said solemnly, slipping the business letter and envelope in his pocket and heading back towards the house.

If Soun had had any real skills as a martial artist left in him he would have sensed the pair of feline eyes upon him and he would have noticed the envelope slip from his pocket.

The proprietor of the Anything Goes Dojo rounded the corner just as a small purple and white feline dropped from the trees and strolled unchallenged up to the envelope.

The cat gave the parchment a studious look then snatched it up in her mouth and darted off back towards Neko Haten.

For the moment Nerima was peaceful. But as all the city's inhabitants had come to understand, this peace would very soon fall to pieces.

_**Ranma ½ Special: The Epic of the Lover's Last Chance Gypsy Caravan**_

_**Episode One: "Father, who is Aine Valentino?"**_

It was a rare occasion indeed when Shampoo would visit Ukyo's restaurant without fighting in mind. Still the average citizens of Nerima weren't going to take any chances with these two and they all quickly paid their bills and left.

Ukyo looked up from her still doughy okonomiyaki at the noise of so many shuffling feet and noticed the Amazonian youth.

"Shampoo, what a surprise," Ukyo said snidely. "Looking for some real food, sugar? Or maybe you just wanted to see if Ranma was here?"

"Shampoo have something very important to show Spatula-girl, so no fighting this time," Shampoo said walking up to the front counter and sitting down.

Ukyo looked at Shampoo in surprise. She moved the now finished okonomiyaki onto a plate and put aside her spatula.

"What's so important that you would come here?" the chef asked.

"Look at this," Shampoo said reaching into her shirt and pulling out the envelope she had snagged from Mister Tendo the night before. The letter was not with it but the address and company-name was written on the envelope.

"Lover's Last Chance Gypsy Mystics Incorporated? What in the world is that?" Ukyo said reading the title easily.

"Is bad news is what it is! Great Grandmother told Shampoo about these type of gypsies! They travel whole world gathering all sorts of potion recipes so when they get call for job they can match up any pair in blink of the eye!" Shampoo stated formally.

Ukyo looked at Shampoo in confusion. Not because of the second-hand story but because of the girl's last statement. Blink of the eye? That meant IN the blink of AN eye, right?

Eh, never mind. Ukyo had been around the purple-haired girl long enough to understand the girl's idiosyncrasies.

"So what does this have to do with anything, sugar?" Ukyo asked.

"Shampoo found this fallen out of Tendo's pocket! It must mean he hire match-maker for Airen and Kitchen Destroyer!" Shampoo explained.

"WHAT? No way! Soun Tendo is the second cheapest guy in town? He would never pay to get some fancy match-maker to set up Ranma-honey and Akane!" Ukyo jolted in surprise.

"Is what Shampoo saw, whether Spatula Girl believes or not is her business," Shampoo snorted picking up the envelope and turning towards the door.

"Hey, hey, hey!" Ukyo yelled leaping over the counter to run in front of Shampoo and bar the door. "You can just drop a bomb like this on me and then leave!"

"What Spatula Girl suggest I do instead?" Shampoo asked, crossing her arms over her generous chest.

"I suggest that you take a seat and help me plot a way to take down this match-maker," Ukyo said with an evil grin.

Shampoo looked disinterestedly at Ukyo for a long moment then gave an evil smirk of her own.

"For once Shampoo will take advice. Let's take down match-maker…together."

**At the Tendo Household**

"RANMA!! Get back here you jerk!" Akane yelled, chasing after the pigtailed boy with her mallet-sama held high over her head.

"No way! I'm not that stupid," Ranma responded over his shoulder as he bounded with feline like grace through the interior of the Tendo household.

Despite all the ups and downs and revelations of their relationship neither Ranma nor Akane showed any signs of getting closer. The two still bickered every day and the holes in the house were proof of exactly where these battles took place. The two weren't always fighting; they sometimes had moments of great companionship…that always seemed to end with one of Ranma's stupid comments or slip-ups and Akane's erupting temper.

"I can't BELIEVE you would say that I walk like a duck!!" Akane roared.

"Well I just saw some uncanny similarities between you and Mousse, I can't help it that you waddle," Ranma said defensively.

"Oh you are so going to GET IT!" Akane screeched chasing her fiancé up the stairs.

Luckily before any blows could be thrown the door downstairs opened and Soun Tendo arrived.

"Oh hello father, I thought you and Mister Saotome were going over to the new sushi place that opened just last week, what are you doing back so early?" Kasumi asked as she walked out of the kitchen to greet the family patriarch.

"Ah, yes well I told Genma that I had to get home early and that he should go without me. Akane, Ranma come down here you two," Soun called out.

Akane and Ranma exchanged perplexed looks and walked downstairs into the living-room as if nothing had happened.

"Is there something wrong dad?" Akane asked taking her usual place at the low-table across from Soun. Ranma took his usual place beside Akane without even thinking about it.

"There is something I have to tell you," Soun said riffling around in his coat to pull out the letter from the Mystics Incorporated. "You see some time ago I sent away a letter to a certain match-making group that explained the situation with you and Ranma. Just yesterday I got a response back from them."

Akane and Ranma snatched up the letter together and read it at the same time. Their faces both went from confused to enraged at the exact same second.

"DAD HOW COULD YOU!!!" Akane snapped.

"Mister Tendo I don't want any stupid match-maker coming in here and messing with us!" Ranma growled as well.

"I'm afraid it is too late to protest. You see this particular group doesn't accept cancellations. Once they decide to take on a certain case they won't stop until they are finished; no matter the cost, no matter the difficulty," Soun explained.

"The Lover's Last Chance Gypsy Caravan, daddy? I'm impressed I heard they are the most prestigious romance consultants in the business," Nabiki said popping out of nowhere (as usual) to look the letter over herself.

"Oh how fun, a match-maker! That will make things so much simpler for you, Akane!" Kasumi said appearing at the table out of nowhere as well.

"WE DON'T NEED A MATCH-MAKER!!" Ranma and Akane shouted as one before stopping out of the kitchen and out of the house all together.

The three Tendos watched the two go and then exchanged perplexed glances. Surely Akane and Ranma didn't mean 'we' as in 'we, a perfectly functional couple'…did they? And if they didn't, why did it sound that way?

Further down the street, Akane was grumbling to herself stomping along like an enraged animal. Ranma, however, was walking down the fences as if it were just another average day.

"What are you acting so cool for Ranma? Didn't you hear what my dad said? Do you WANT some match-maker hovering around us?" Akane snapped angrily at the boy.

"Of course not, dummy," Ranma snorted. "I was just thinking …if we ACT like a couple …then the match-maker will think the job was a fake and will leave us alone right?"

That stopped Akane in her tracks. Ranma looked curiously over his shoulder to look at his now strawberry red fiancé.

"Y-you want us to a-act like a couple? Like an IN-LOVE couple? W-with all the h-hand-holding a-and k-kissing and-"

"Where is you mind going, pervert?" Ranma said dropping down to the street right in front of Akane. "I don't mean THAT! We just have to try and not fight so much and you know say stupid sweet stuff to each other every once and a while."

Akane's blush faded as her mind went to work thinking the situation over. "Do you really think it could work though? I mean this person dad is bringing in is a professional."

"Yah, a professional amateur," Ranma said with a 'tsk', "didn't you read the part where they said they were sending over their best 'APPRENTICE'? It's not like they are sending over their chief match-maker or anything. We can dupe an apprentice match-maker no problem."

Akane nodded meaningfully, rubbing the bend of her forefinger against her lips like she often did when she was thinking. Ranma tried to ignore how cute that gesture was. He knew if he blushed now, Akane would know something was up.

"Okay I guess we could do that but…if the match-maker really IS good enough that my cheap-skate dad is willing to pay her to come and counsel us…then we will have to be really good. I think we'll have to do a little practicing before they get here."

"W-what do you mean?" Ranma asked nervously.

Akane looked up at Ranma calculatingly through her lashes, then lifted her head, clasped her hands together underneath her chin and crooned, "I think you are the greatest guy in the whole wide world, Ranma sweetie."

"What the-!" Ranma gapped, stumbling back several steps.

Akane blinked at his in confusion and lowered her clasped hands slightly. "What? Don't you think Ranma sweetie is a good pet-name?"

"U-Uh, y-yah I guess so, I mean-" Ranma said blushing like crazy and trembling all over.

"Maybe I should go with something else. Ukyo calls you 'sugar' and 'honey' all the time so sweetie is really all that original. Hmmm maybe something like Ranma-love or my darling Ranma would work better?" Akane said rubbing her chin thoughtfully, not noticing Ranma's discomfort at all.

"Uh-uh-uh, yah well you work on that, I uh gotta go and uh, figure out some stuff for this couple act too!" Ranma said bounding off into the wild blue yonder as quickly as humanly possible.

"Hey Ranma, waaaait!!" Akane called out a little too late. "Hmm…idiot, doesn't he realize that it would work better for us to think this stuff up together?"

**A Few Miles Outside Nerima**

A young man dusted his hands off against his blue-jeans and straightened out his dress-shirt. A whole gang of biker thugs lay sprawled out all over the road, all beaten black and blue.

"You boys should know better than to attack a stranger without first gauging their strength. You're lucky I have some place to be today for I would have enjoyed teaching you men how to be respectful," the man said, brushing the two short chestnut braids that hung over his ears out of his face.

One, not so terribly beaten biker coughed and asked, "W-who are you?"

The man smiled, his green eyes flashing with mystery, "The name is Valentino, and you won't soon forget it."

The man then turned and picked up the poles of his merchant yatai (meaning it was a closed up little house most likely filled with tourist junk rather than food-stuffs) and marching off casually down the road.

The biker watched the stranger walking away for a moment then his eyes rolled back in his head and he passed out.

A breeze fluttered through the air, rattling the sign nailed onto the door of yatai. It said "Lover's Last Chance Gypsy Chart: Official Recognized by the Gypsy Mystic's Corporation #225B"

The match-maker was on his way to Nerima

**Back to Nerima **

Ranma was darting across roof-tops, trying as hard as he could to get the image of Akane giving him puppy-dog eyes out of his mind.

"It was just a joke, stupid! Just a joke, just a joke, just a joke!" He yelled at himself as he took a particularly heroic leap from one roof to another across the street.

A few still impressionable citizens of Nerima looked up at the boy in shock, applauding the boy's athletic ability openly. The usually proud and slightly egotistical Ranma, for once, didn't pay any attention to the applause. He was too busy trying to outrun his problems.

All of yesterday the pigtailed boy had found every reason to avoid the Tendo dojo and especially the youngest Tendo daughter. He ran errands for Kasumi, he collected money from Nabiki (which had actually been pretty fun because it had involved shaking down people to get cash) and he had even helped Ukyo and Shampoo with some food deliveries (which had been surprisingly peaceful as both the girls were 'out-to-a-long-lunch' leaving the less glomp-prone men in charge).

This morning was no better. Ranma had actually done the unthinkable and had skipped breakfast, just so he could get out of the house before Akane even came down.

"It's just to get rid of the match-maker, moron! Just to get rid of him, just to get rid of him, just to get rid of him!" Ranma yelled at himself as he headed deeper into town, hopping over more and more store roof-tops and less and less house roof-tops.

"She doesn't like you like that, dummy! Not like that! Not like that! Not like tha-AAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!"

If Ranma had been paying attention to where he was running so fast he would have noticed the new open-air day-spa that had been opened up.

But because Ranma had been paying attention and because Ranma seemed doomed to run into trouble when he wasn't paying attention the Japanese youth plunged down through space, having no roof to land on this time.

He dropped like a rock down three stories right into a large artificial hot-water spring, causing an enormous eruption of water.

At least four young women screamed in fright and darted out of the bath into the locker-room before Ranma even floated back to the surface of the water.

"Ouuuuuch, okay that was dumb," Ranma said rubbing his water-slapped pink face. It was only then that he noticed he wasn't alone.

Not but five-feet away a young woman was sitting, leaning undisturbed against the spring's edge.

She had chestnut hair that was tied back in a bun on the top of her head, except for a pair of short braids that dangled against the sides of her face.

Her skin was a beautiful hue of buttermilk white that seemed to glow in the steamy air of the osena. Her cheeks were flushed with the most delicate sakura pink color Ranma had ever seen.

Her, uh…figure, as far as Ranma could see through the milky water, was nice and curvy, but kind of short and blocky like Akane. Though Ranma really couldn't help but notice that this woman had much larger breasts than Akane did…and that one of those luscious breasts had a peculiar little pink half-heart shaped mark on it.

Ranma's whole-body tensed up with fear. He knew what came next by heart. The woman would open her eyes to realize that she was being ogled by a sixteen-year-old sopping wet boy. The woman would assume that he was a peeping-tom. The woman would scream and wallop Ranma like there was no tomorrow. Ranma would go back to the Tendo Dojo, Akane would be waiting there, somehow already aware of Ranma's little 'sight-seeing' debacle. Akane would get really quiet then summon mallet-sama and wallop Ranma until the bruises he'd gotten before seemed like butterfly kisses compared to her handiwork.

Yet a whole painfully long minute passed without the woman moving an inch from her leisurely position. And another minute passed after that, and another minute after that.

"Well?" the woman spoke suddenly after five minutes of silence had passed. She hadn't moved anything other than her pouty, peachy lips. "Do you plan on staring at me ALL DAY, or was there a notion of moving swimming around in your head as well?"

"A-A-A-AH! I'M SORRY! I DIDN'T MEAN TO-" Ranma began to excuse himself.

The woman sat up and locked eyes with him. Her pupils were the most beautiful shade of amethyst. Ranma could honestly say he had never seen such a beautiful bright hue of purple in a person's eyes before.

"Normally if a young boy dropped in on me bathing they would find themselves getting very acquainted with my fists…however, judging by the WAY you entered the pool and the way you are blushing so heavily while at the same time staring on in abject terror, I take it that you are just a poor kid who somehow managed to fall into the worst landing-spot imaginable," the woman chuckled in a voice that was rather husky for her gender.

"I-I…t-that's right, n-not peeping, j-just unlucky," Ranma answered nervously.

The woman chuckled and climbed out of the tub, giving Ranma a fantastic view of a very lovely (though certainly not tiny) buttock that was blushed with the same hue of pink that the woman's cheeks had been.

The stranger walked unalarmed and unhurried over to the towel rack and pulled out two towels. She wrapped the first one, firmly around herself then held the second one out to Ranma.

Ranma stared at it in shock for a long moment then jolted in recognition and waddled awkwardly out of the water.

"There now, that wasn't so hard, was it?" the woman questioned as Ranma dried himself off.

"Sorry again," Ranma apologized humbly, "I wasn't looking where I was going."

"Obviously not," the lady laughed in a surprisingly androgynous manner for such a beautiful woman.

Ranma smiled sheepishly at her and hung the towel over his shoulders. "My name's Ranma Saotome by the way, in case you ever chance your mind about letting me get away so easy and want to take revenge."

"Well that is certainly nice of you to offer such information so openly," the lady laughed again, "however, I am a little more cautious than that. You can just call me Aine for now and I'll decide on whether or not to tell you my last name later."

"Oh…okay…why just Aine?" Ranma asked.

"Well my family-name is prone to causing turmoil whenever I say it, so I would just prefer to not say it," Aine shrugged.

She then smiled warmly at him again and took hold of his upper arm. "Now you come along with me, so I can explain to the spa managers that you aren't some sort of pervert and that I'm not planning of suing the hotel."

"Okay," Ranma shrugged. He wasn't sure what Aine's game was but if it kept him from getting beaten to a pulp then Ranma figured it couldn't be anything too bad.

**One hour later, after a lot of talking and managerial butt-kissing had taken place**

The clothing Aine came out wearing wasn't the clothing Ranma had expected a classy girl like her to wear. Not that he was suddenly a fashion-expert of anything like that but mostly he noticed that the cuter the girl, the cuter the clothing.

Aine wasn't like that though. When the girl returned from the locker-room with her clothing on she came looking like someone who had been forced to raid her elder brother's closet for her wardrobe.

Aine's clothing of choice was an anatomy-securing white tank-top underneath a cutely oversized men's business dress-shirt (also white) coupled with cutely oversized worn and wrinkled blue-jeans and a pair of Chinese slippers.

Dressed like that the girl looked a lot younger than Ranma had first thought. Especially with her still slightly damp hair draping down to her butt like it was.

"Okay Mister Saotome, seeing as how you owe me big-time, come with me to the spa's restaurant. The owner and the manager both told me I could eat as much as I wanted there and with your help I think we can really make them regret that decision, generous as it was," Aine said rubbing her palms together and licking a candy-cotton pink tongue over her lips.

Before Ranma could even really think over that proposal his gut answered for him with a particularly pathetic and cattish 'grrrrooooowwwllll'. Aine took the noise as an agreement and she grabbed his upper arm and pulled him along once again. Ranma took the moment to notice that Aine stood about two or three inches shorter than him…about the same height as Akane. He also noticed that Aine's hair smelled intoxicatingly like plumeria and honeysuckle flowers.

"Listen, you don't have to-" Ranma tried to excuse himself.

Aine wouldn't hear of it. She sat Ranma down on a bar-stool next to hers then sat down and picked up the fancy menu. "Ooooh they have that English dessert I love here! Tell me, Ranma, have you ever tried a knickerbocker-glory?"

"A what?" Ranma asked.

"A knickerbocker-glory," Aine repeated. "It's a sort of sundae, you see. It has all these different colored jellies mixed in with vanilla ice-cream with whip-cream and a cherry on top."

"Oh um…no I've never had one," Ranma said almost timidly.

"Well then you are gonna have one with me. Hey garcon, bring us two knickerbocker glories, a plate of ootoro and uuuuuh some fried octopus! Oh and a cola too, if you please!" Aine called out to the waiter.

Recognizing the girl as the one his boss had told him about the man darted off immediately to fill the order.

"I do so love special service," Aine chuckled, leaning her elbow against the counter and her chin against her palm.

"You seem sort of used to it," Ranma commented. Aine looked at him in surprise than gave another hearty laugh.

"I do? Well, that's probably not too unusual. Ya see I've been cruising around swanky places like this since I was nine-years-old, because of my family and all," Aine explained.

"Wow, you would never guess that the way you dress," Ranma blurted out before he could help it. Immediately after the words came out of his mouth though, he realized they were probably insulting and he slapped a hand over his runaway mouth.

Aine just threw back her head in a tear-rolling, shoulder-shaking guffaw. She continued to laugh for a long, long moment until finally she had to take a breath. She wiped the tears from her eyes with the back of her hand and tried to stifle her snickers.

"Well you certainly are a plain-speaking kid, aren't you," she finally said.

"I um, I just um-" Ranma babbled.

"Forget it, forget it; it's no big deal. I know how I must look to people and it doesn't bug me in the least. I decided a long time ago that no matter what other forces in my life I would be comfortable with myself, always first and foremost. I dress like I do because it's comfortable and because its hassle free. Some people think it's a little too boyish for me and I ignore them," Aine said with a good-hearted wink and a peace-sign.

"Phew, that's a relief. Most of the girls I know would really take it a lot worse," Ranma sighed heavily.

"What other girls?" Aine asked.

"Eh? Oh, um just…other girls," Ranma blushed, twiddling nervously with his pigtail.

Aine smiled brilliantly at him for it. "You're engaged to someone, aren't you?"

"You could tell!!" Ranma gapped.

"Oh ya. But then again, I've always been good a reading people. Let me guess, the marriage was decided by your folks and you aren't sure whether you like or the girl or want to dump her body in a shallow ditch somewhere," Aine guessed.

"Well…I don't HATE her or anything," Ranma said turning his gaze up to the ceiling.

"But you aren't sure you LIKE her either, right?" Aine snickered.

"Ummmmm," Ranma said nervously.

"Listen kid, I am a bottomless pit of a person when it comes to indulging in good, not to mention free, food. So granted that we will be here a long time and will have to put up with each other for that time, why don't we chit-chat for a while. You tell me all about your girl and everything and I'll listen and add in my thoughts, what do you say?"

"I dunno, the story is kinda…weird," Ranma said, scratching the back of his head as his mind drifted over thoughts of the Jusenkyo Springs and the various villians he had fought against in the last year and a half.

"Kid, you are talking to the Queen of Weird here," Aine winked. "I love stories of the bizarre and the more than slightly warped. You just start talking and I'll just keep on listening. If you get too Stephan King for me, I'll let you know."

Ranma had no idea who Stephan King was (he is Japanese after all) but he figured that if his fellow classmates at school could deal with the truth, then this girl probably could as well. And so Ranma began his story.

At first Ranma started out with just the basics, talking about the arranged marriage his parent's had set up, and about how his dad had trained him in ever conceivable (and a few unconceivable) form of martial arts in order to fulfill his oath to raise Ranma to be a 'man among men.' He also briefly mentioned how he was living with the Tendo family because his father was a lousy husband and even though he had made up with his wife, Mrs. Saotome didn't really care to have him around the house all that much.

But as the afternoon wore on, and as the two munched their way through plate after plate of food, Ranma found himself revealing more and more. He told Aine about his curse and all the trouble it had caused him. He told her about his father's many stupid moves and how it had caused him to end up with three would-be fiancés and more than a few enemies.

Ranma even went into some details about Happosai and the tortures there-within as well as his trips to China, and his thoughts on all the bad-luck he'd faced.

It wasn't until Ranma had finished his third dessert (a particularly luscious chocolate-truffle mousse cake) that the boy realized he'd just spilled his whole life-story to a complete stranger.

"AH! Uhhhh well now you probably think I'm completely crazy, so I guess I'll-" Ranma tried to excuse himself.

"You're not nuts," Aine shrugged.

"Say what?" Ranma blinked.

"You aren't nuts," Aine said again. "Trust me; I know a thing or two about insanity. I know you've told me nothing but the truth since you sat down with me…and I think you are a pretty sweet kid."

"Sweet," Ranma grimaced.

"Yep, sweet," Aine nodded. "Definitely stupid, slightly egotistical, obviously chauvinistic and more than a little naïve…but sweet none the less."

"Thanks?" Ranma said in confusion.

"Hey, I call 'em as I see 'em," Aine shrugged, getting up from the bar and walking with Ranma towards the door. "I can definitely see some points in your story where you really were asking for trouble, but it's obvious you've got good intentions underneath it all."

"Of course, and hey all that other stuff is hardly my fault, what with having Genma as a role model and Happosai as his mentor! Actually when you think about it like that, I'm a lot better than I could be," Ranma said defensively.

"Still…you could stand a few improvements," Aine smirked wickedly. The girl's wrist-watch then suddenly began to beep. The girl looked at the black-leather band held, plain-face watch in surprise then grimaced in agitation. "Awwh man, is it that late already?"

"What time is it?" Ranma asked.

"Around four-o-clock…dang it, now I'll have to stay a hotel tonight!" Aine grouched.

"You could stay over at the Tendo Dojo," Ranma offered.

"What? Oh well…yah, I guess I could do that," Aine nodded vaguely, "I mean…yah that fits in with my plans. I just have to grab my pack real quick, wait for me by the entrance.

Ranma nodded his agreement and walked out of the hotel. About three minutes later Aine came trotting up with what looked like a shrine-house strapped to her back."

"What in the world is that!" Ranma blinked at the usual carry-on.

"This is my amazing collapsible shop-tote," Aine said. "I'll show you what the un-collapsed thing looks like later; which way to the dojo?"

"Well that's the problem, I came here over the rooftops so I don't quite know the way-" Ranma began.

"Hey, don't worry about me, I can keep up no problem, just give me a leg-up to the roof and we'll be on our way!" Aine said giving the air an enthusiastic punch.

"All-right but don't say I didn't warn you."

**Two hours later a street away from the Anything Goes School of Indiscriminate Grappling**

Much to Ranma's surprise, when Aine said she could keep up no problem, she meant it. The girl had lagged behind only once or twice but other than that she had kept pace with Ranma, step-for-step.

They'd managed to get completely turned around once or twice but eventually Ranma's memory kicked in and they found themselves on the street leading up to the dojo.

"I have to say that your way of getting around Tokyo is a lot more convenient that taking the streets. I'll keep that method of travel in mind," Aine panted lightly.

"It helps a guy avoid a lot of nasty punks too," Ranma said panting slightly as well. It was then as they passed under a street-light that Ranma noticed that Aine was still unbelievable wet. Her hair glimmered like a prom-queen's coif as the water droplets in her hair refracted the light.

"Hey Aine-" Ranma started to question. Before he could finish, however, another voice spoke up.

"RAAAAAANMA!!" Akane called running down the street to meet the pair. "Ranma, where on earth have you been all day, everyone was getting worried."

"Uh, uh, Akane, I'd like you to meet my new pal, Aine; Aine this is Akane," Ranma hastily introduced.

Akane turned her head to eye Aine up in that certain way women always size-up other women. Apparently the result of the size-up wasn't good because Akane's nostrils flared in anger and the girl straightened herself out so she could sort of stand a half-inch taller than the other girl.

"Hello Aine, where exactly did Ranma meet you?" Akane asked sharply.

Aine just smiled back as sweet as anything and gave a polite bow. "It is a pleasure to meet you Akane Tendo. Ranma has told me so much about you, and let me say that you excel all expectation."

"You two talked about me?" Akane blinked in shock. Since when did Ranma have private conversations about her with strange woman? And what did the woman mean, she excelled expectations; had Ranma said flattering things about her? What did that mean?

"Poor Ranma had a little bit of a tumble this morning and so I decided to treat him to a nice big meal. While we were eating a poor day-spa café out of stock, we started talking and you came up a few times. I assure you all the things said were very complimentary," Aine explained.

"Oh um well…thank you then," Akane flushed. She looked over at Ranma questioningly. "I didn't know you could be complimentary."

"I don't ALWAYS stick my foot-in-my-mouth, okay? So what the heck were you doing screaming out to me like you were? Think I was skipping town?"

"Hmmph, as if I'd waste my time worrying about you;" Akane snapped as Aine watched the interaction with closely observant eyes. "That match-maker called the house and left a message. He said that he'd be here by tomorrow."

"He? It's a guy," Ranma blinked.

"The voice on the phone was definitely a man's voice," Akane asserted.

"Well, what a dorky profession for a guy," Ranma laughed out-right.

"HEY! Just because you wouldn't know romance if it hit you on the head, doesn't mean all guys are like that," Akane snipped. She turned to Aine. "You agree with me don't you?"

"Oh I most certainly do, Miss Tendo. I believe that love is the one passion on this earth that is completely free of gender-barriers. Love as an equally strong effect on women AND men. It's a true equal-opportunity emotion and obsession really," Aine answered as easily as if this were something she was questioned about everyday.

"HEY! Whose side are you on," Ranma growled.

"I don't believe in sides, like I don't believe in the sexism of love, Ranma Saotome. Every conversation and every issue has apposing sides to be sure, but as long as a person has an open-mind they don't have to be held to one thought or another. Human beings are fluid that way," Aine shrugged.

"I'm beginning to see a whole other side of you that I missed before, and I can't say I like it," Ranma grumbled.

"Well I DO like it, come on inside Aine, you are planning to stay the night, right?" Akane said taking Aine's hand in hers and towing the brunette along.

"Well if its not too much of an imposition, yes, I would like to stay," Aine said hastily.

"No problem, no problem at all, you can sleep in my room!" Akane laughed.

The two women disappeared into the house leaving Ranma alone on the street.

"I take back thinking Akane could be cute, she is soooo not cute!" Ranma grumbled to himself. "And Aine is just like her."

**End Chapter**

**Masaka: **Oh good grief, here I go again writing another story out of no-where

**Yami Masaka: **Oh it won't be that bad, hikari. At least it's proof your muse is working. Now just don't add in your sister's character Lasagna and you'll be fine.


	2. Chapter 2

**Masaka: Collapsed on the ground in a gooey puddle of relief **OH THANK YOU KAMI-SAMA!!!' 

**Yami Masaka: **I kinda hate to ask but um…what are you so happy about?

**Masaka: **I was afraid people would take offense to Aine's character! She is a Mary-Sue after all! And I was afraid someone would slam me for using the old 'another cursed victim' ploy to develop Aine! I was SO sure that I was going to get nothing but hate-mail

**Yami Masaka: Munching popcorn **Don't forget my little light-half that you didn't like OC's either at one point in time. Then, of course, you came to the happy realization that as long as you make a good plot and an unobtrusive character no one minds a fresh-face

**Masaka: **Yah I guess you are right…anyway there are a few things I want to say! Aine is a really newly developed character so she may have moments of…well out-of-character-ness…I guess. It was really hard to make someone like her

**Yami Masaka: **And yet making Aine's character was also the easiest thing ever, weird contradiction huh?

**Masaka: **She has to be the one person who can calm the storm that is the Ranma fiancé debacle. She will have to be a bit odd and unbelievable to be able to do that. Now as I'm sure you are all eager to begin, here is chapter two

**Yami Masaka:** Also, please note that all italics should be read as speech in another language, though technically everything is in English.

**Start Chapter **

From the silent perch of a neighboring roof-top two women watched three people enter the Tendo household. Two of these people were acceptable, one of them was not.

"Who the heck is THIS tramp?" Ukyo said gripping her enormous spatula in her fists.

"We come to protect Ranma from match-maker and find other girl getting Airen's attention instead!" Shampoo growled obviously equally annoyed.

The two women had finished their plans for taking down this Mystic Incorporated Employee a few hours ago and had come to the decision that the best course of action would be to keep an eye on the house at all times.

They HAD thrown around the idea of bobby-trapping the dojo-grounds and the surrounding area with enough bobby-traps to deflect a small army but Ukyo had mentioned that someone like Ryoga or Mousse would probably just come by and detonated the traps and the idea had been cast aside.

After seeing a new woman walking into the girls' shared love-interest's house, though, the two were having some passing regrets about not at least laying down a few land-mines.

"Hey wait, look at that. Akane is smiling at her; if that girl was any kind of competition for Ranma-sweetie than you could bet Akane wouldn't be so nice," Ukyo said with a relieved sigh.

"Who girl is, you think?" Shampoo blinked curiously.

"I dunno, maybe just an acquaintance, maybe something more. If she isn't gone by tomorrow we take aggressive action," Ukyo said sternly.

"Yes aggressive action is good. A few hundred hits to head sounds good," Shampoo said sinisterly.

"And a nice nap on my grill to top that off seems like the right way to make sure our message comes across loud and clear," Ukyo added with an evil smirk of her own.

The two overly aggressive girl's auras crackled ominously and the sky above cracked with lightening in response.

Down in the yard of the Tendo residence, Aine felt a disturbing chill pass over her shoulders.

"Something wrong Aine?" Akane asked their guest.

Aine turned her head just a second too late to catch two shadows leaping from the rooftop to more sheltered hiding places. The brunette gazed long and hard at the surrounding area then shrugged casually.

"I must be cold is all," Aine said.

"Well then come inside already," Akane laughed tugging Aine more urgently towards the door. Aine stumbled forward a step or two before finding a pace that matched Akane's.

"Geesh Akane, you don't need to shove her around, Aine's not goin' anywhere," Ranma sighed, rolling his eyes in exasperation.

Akane glared evilly at Ranma over Aine's head but said nothing as the two finally got to the door. Ranma waited until the two were well inside before he turned his own gaze to the yard. He had felt something off as well but had figured it was probably just a passing threat, like Kuno or someone.

A long, quiet moment fell over the yard as the young martial artist tested the surrounding environment with his keen senses, searching for any out-of-place aura. He probably would have sensed the two girls huddled in his neighbor's rhododendron bushes if Akane hadn't decided Ranma was taking too long to come inside and hadn't hauled him into the house as well.

Shampoo and Ukyo stood up from their hiding-spot and sighed heavily in relief. They didn't even notice the storm brewing overhead.

_**Ranma ½ Special: The Epic of the Lover's Last Chance Gypsy Caravan**_

**_Episode Two: "There are worse things than having a roof fall in on you"_**

Despite how casually Akane and Ranma (and all their family members besides) had offered Aine a place to stay for the night, Aine herself still felt very awkward.

It was really easy to see how uneasy the poor dear was when Kasumi laid out dinner (which Ranma was more the eager to eat, despite having stuffed his face almost all afternoon) and Aine had taken a seat at the table.

Ever few minutes the girl twitched slightly as if she had been planning to stand-up then at the last second had changed her mind and remained seated.

"Are you alright, dear? You seem awfully jumpy," Kasumi said putting a gentle hand on the brunette's shoulder.

"AH! Oh um well i-it's just that I um …I usually stay in hotels or camp out on the road whenever I travel so it feels weird to be staying in someone's house," Aine explained herself as calmly as possible.

"Well that sounds like a familiar story doesn't it," Nabiki said giving Ranma a meaningful look. Ranma purposefully ignored her and shoved some more rice into his mouth.

"Not only that, I um…well to be perfectly honest I'm not sure I feel comfortable staying over at the house of someone I just met. I've done the whole naïve bit before and trust me, it did not turn out well. Hmmph, in fact, it took a roadside robbery to finally straighten me out. I got away, of course, but I realized then and there that I had to make some drastic changes in my lifestyle if I wanted to keep doing what I was doing," Aine said glaring evilly at the tabletop as if it was the sole cause of all her troubles.

The sky outside grumbled sympathetically with thunder.

"Oh Aine, you mean you-" Akane gasped.

"I got jumped by some stupid thugs when I was twelve-years-old but before they had so much as the chance to start grabbing my gear I knocked them all out cold and cattle-tied them in a nice package for the authorities," Aine said dismissively as if the whole matter was as simple as that.

"You sound like quite the tough-cookie," Nabiki said leisurely. "Sort of like Akane even, maybe that's why Ranma offered you an invitation to stay over."

If looks could kill Nabiki would have been struck dead two-times over by the heated glares coming from both Akane AND Ranma. True to her cool-self Nabiki didn't even wince. Aine, however, looked a little puzzled.

"Ah-ha-ha! Nabiki, you really should be more careful about what you say around guests," Genma laughed trying to break up the tension (and failing). The man then awkwardly cleared his throat and tried for a different approach. "So what business are you involved in that involves you moving around so much?"

"Oh well, I'm an herbal based druggist and a traditional non-Eastern cultural remedy specialist by family tradition, though I have ventured further into the realms of plain Western standard chemistry lately," Aine said plain as day.

If the woman had said she was an alien ambassador from beyond Pluto she would have gotten a more lively response. Her words had obviously gone waaaay over everyone's heads.

"That means I'm in the practice of selling European folk medicines and stuff," Aine explained a little more blasé.

"Ooooh!" the gathered group said in understanding.

"I know that doesn't sound like the most lucrative thing in the world but you'd be surprised at how much people really trust the ancient practices over the 'wonder-pills' modern-day pharmacies are gushing out. Besides my family's business is the practice of bringing tranquility and understanding to EVERY aspect of a person's life so we go beyond simply selling pills. We give out consultations as well. As far as it goes I've amounted quite a few favors from some pretty impressionable people by simply giving the poor guys the type of help that has been well-known for centuries."

"Well that does sound like quite an exciting field of work," Kasumi praised warmly. "It must be so nice to be able to help people like you do!"

"And to get paid well to do it," Nabiki tacked on to that.

"Well it has its good points and its bad points," Aine shrugged.

"So tell us a little more about some of the things you sell, Aine," Akane asked cheerfully.

"Okaaay…well for example I have an ointment in my cart that is completely guaranteed to improve eye-sight by at least 40 overnight. And I have a cream that has been known to get women from a double A cup to a D cup when applied regularly to the breasts ever night for a month," Aine said pleasantly.

"Wow, sounds like just what you need Akane," Ranma goaded his fiancé.

Naturally this comment made Akane respond with violence. Unfortunately, while the other members of the Saotome/ Tendo clan were used to this, poor Aine was not and the girl managed to get her head in the way of Akane's deadly fists.

"CRACK!!"

"WONK!!"

"THUD!!"

"Oh my goodness, Aine!" Kasumi yelped as their hapless guest fell to the floor, knocked out cold.

Akane (who was chasing Ranma around with the table held above her head as a weapon) and Ranma (who was bounding away from said weapon) both paused in their feud to look over at the eldest Tendo daughter and the unconscious Aine.

"Oh no!" Akane gasped.

"Wow you really did it now Akane. You conked Aine's head right into the floor," Ranma blinked, seemingly impressed.

"WELL IT'S YOUR FAULT!!" Akane snapped.

"That's enough you two; first of all we should tend to Aine's wounds, after that you can decide guilt between yourself in whatever way you see fit," Soun said, for once taking his position as head-of-the-family seriously, scooping the seemingly life-less girl up off the floor and heading towards Akane's bedroom. "I'll put the girl in your bed for now, Akane. You and Ranma are responsible for finding the first aide kit. It should be somewhere in your room Ranma, or it was the last time I saw it. I want you to pull out the iodine, smelling-salts, gauze and a roll of bandages. Kasumi, you clean up the mess the fight caused. Nabiki, you are in charge of pulling out a pair of pajamas from Aine's bag and bringing them up to the bedroom."

"What should I do, Tendo?" Genma asked.

"Make sure Akane and Ranma actually GET the first-aide kit before they start fighting again," Soun sighed in exhaustion before heading up the stairs and out of sight.

"Geesh Akane, I know you're violent but breaking open poor Aine's head like that-" Ranma started.

"It was an accident okay!" Akane snapped viciously as tears began to form in her eyes. The girl apologized to her sister for splattering the meal, righted the table then hurried off towards Ranma's room.

Genma and Nabiki glared at Ranma while Kasumi looked on in disappointment (as she couldn't get angry for anything).

"What?" Ranma asked defensively.

The three just shook their heads and went off to do the assignments Soun had given them.

"Hey! Come on! Akane knows I didn't mean it! Guys? …Guys! Guys, come back!" Ranma called after the others. Seeing none of them respond Ranma sighed heavily and headed after Akane, ready to apologize.

Ranma couldn't help it that his mouth seemed to shoot off before his head had decided if the situation was appropriate for his brand of humor. After ten-years of constant conditioning to be ready to respond to any type of verbal banter Ranma had developed a rather sharp tongue.

He never really meant to sound so mean, or disrespectful or whatever. Well…no he meant to sound disrespectful when it came to talking to people like Principal Kuno or his idiotic father or people like that. He never meant it with Akane though.

"Hey…Akane, um about what I said," Ranma said as he peeked into his room.

Akane was already kneeling over the first-aide kit, picking out the things her father had indicated. Her face was slightly splotchy from tears but her body-language wasn't tense so Ranma knew it wasn't an enraged type of sadness, which was good. But it was also kind of bad because Ranma was never good at dealing with an emotional Akane.

"It's alright Ranma…you were only saying what's true. I …I don't have near enough control over myself and it was only a matter of time before someone got hurt," Akane responded solemnly.

"Hey now! That's not what I-" Ranma started. He didn't finish before Akane picked up the last thing she needed and darted from the room. "Akane!"

"Let her go son; she needs a little time to think," Genma said appearing at top of the stairs.

"No she doesn't! Akane doesn't work like that, if I give her time to think she'll just work up a whole wrong impression and it will take us weeks to get her back to normal," Ranma snapped. "I was just shooting my mouth off again; I didn't mean anything that I said! Akane has really good control; she always managed to nail me for something stupid before without ever involving someone else-" ( buildings definitely suffered from Akane's temper, but Ranma thought that was a rather moot point to bring up considering the constant damage that Nerima was put under thanks to him and the people involved with him anyway) "-Aine getting hit like she did was just an accident! A stupid accident!"

Genma stared in awe at his son's rare moment of in-sight. In times like this Genma really thought Ranma had turned out to be the greatest man among men that there had ever been. Or at least a man that Akane could some day respect as a husband.

"Then I suggest you go after her, my boy," Genma stated. Ranma stared at his father in shock for a moment then nodded and darted off after Akane.

**In the Entrance Hall with Nabiki**

As anyone would tell you Nabiki and work were two terms that don't mix. The second eldest Tendo daughter was quite apt at anything she put her mind to, but she also made it a personal motto to never do anything herself that she could get someone else to do for her.

Nabiki's aversion to work even extended as far as simple tasks around the house. This included chores like grabbing a pair of pajamas for an unconscious guest.

The only way Nabiki managed to bring herself to actually do something for someone else was by convincing herself that while she was looking for some night-clothes in the new girl's pack, she could also snoop around the wares the girl had been talking about and see if she found anything that looked like it could fetch a good price.

Or at least that was the plan. First off, Nabiki needed to figure out how the heck the stupid pack opened up.

"Where did she get this bag, from Houdini's yard-sale?" Nabiki said flipping the plain box over and over in her hands.

For such a small little thing the shrine-shaped box was surprisingly heavy. Nabiki would barely hold it up off the ground as it was. The narrower sides were covered with ridges like a collapsed accordion and the front and back were as smooth as marble.

"It doesn't look like this thing even has an opening," Nabiki grouched, dumping the box on the ground over her shoulder.

As luck would have it, when Nabiki dropped it, she hit the thing in exactly the right way, in exactly the right spot needed to make the thing puff out to its normal size.

A merchant yatai about the size of your compact car exploded into place with a tiny whiff of smoke, bursting through one wall of the house as it grew. Nabiki yelped as the poles of the yatai erupted from seemingly nowhere and whacked the girl forward a few feet.

"W-well that was certainly interesting," Nabiki said with a nervous bead of sweat on her brow. The young woman took a moment to collect herself then began to look the yatai over.

Unlike the normal consumer cart, this yatai seemed to be a bit more like a western gypsy wagon than a food-stand. There was a little step leading up to a small door set into the wood. The sides did indeed have shutters like a proper yatai, but they didn't open as wide as they should have if the cart was being used for its intended purposes.

Nabiki looked the cart over critically once more then stepped up the western-style door and turned the handle. The door opened without a creak, leading into a small room that Nabiki quite suddenly realized was too big to fit into a yatai, even one as big as Aine's.

Beyond the door was a cramped little space that looked like something from another life-time. There was only a small stretch of floor-board open to move around in, with a trap-door set into it that upon closer inspection, Nabiki learned held a step-ladder that led down into a small space filled with only a futon, patch-quilt and path-quilt pillow.

At the far end of the sizable yet rather cramped cart was a counter, much like a desk, only so low that a person would have to sit on the ground to use it, and without any space underneath for someone to put their folded legs. On this desk was a pile of books (two of them ledgers filled with business records but the others were all surprisingly casual things like a few American comics and three paper-back novels in various languages), a few measurement cups and scales, a small set of knives, a long thin stirring spoon and what looked like a tiny cauldron.

Above the desk was a cabinet filled with pull-out drawers all labeled with long hand-written strips of paper bearing titles written in English or sometimes Latin. Nabiki opened one or two of these to find that they were herb drawers. All sorts of various dried vegetation sat in little cubbies in each drawer completely organized and ready to be tossed into a cauldron concoction at any time. Strangely though, the plants seemed to be organized by color and leaf-shape, rather than by name.

The left wall was made up of drawers of every shape and size imaginable with a whole wild array of knobs and the right wall was made up of simple open shelves stocked with a vast variety of bizarre objects, peculiar jars and really weird somewhat recognizable commodities like tea-kettles and toasters.

"Well…this wasn't quite what I expected but I guess it makes sense for the type of lifestyle Aine described," Nabiki said rubbing her chin thoughtfully. She looked over the wares of the shelves casually, trying to pick out the few Japanese labels that she could read. She pocketed two jars of eye ointment to sell to that weird Chinese boy, Mousse, and a tub of what Nabiki thought read in English as "Luck Gel" then set to work looking for Aine's clothing.

It was no small matter trying to find something as simple as a nightgown in all those drawers; at least twice Nabiki opened a drawer that had a ladder leading down to somewhere in it and twice after that she opened drawers that had eyes glaring out of them.

After a lot of ruthless rooting around Nabiki finally decided that it would just be easier (and probably safer) to borrow one of Akane's outfits and she walked out of the yatai. As soon as she pulled the door shut, the whole contraption groaned and shuttered heavily then snapped back down into the backpack form Nabiki had found it in.

"Well isn't that a handy little mechanism," Nabiki thought to herself. She looked the pack over, then looked over the gapping hole in the wall.

She shrugged and headed up to Akane's room. It wasn't Nabiki's fault the entrance hall had been destroyed, Aine should have put a warning sticker on that thing or something.

**Upstairs**

Around the time Nabiki had given up on the yatai, Akane had dropped off her load and set herself down at her desk, straddling the chair backwards so she could watch her father work. (She'd also locked the door so Ranma couldn't come in and hadn't answered to any of the boy's calls).

Her dad wasn't by any means an expert at first-aide but as far as bruises and cuts went he was as apt as any to handle the problem.

"Do you think we should call Dr. Tofu?" Akane asked anxiously.

"I don't think that will be necessary, it's just a simple bump on the head," Soun answered as he gently wrapped the bandage around the girl's treated lumps.

"Bu-but what if I sent her into a comma or something?" Akane whimpered.

"Oh I don't think you hit her that hard, dear. Aine will probably just wake up with a concussion and a very bad headache."

"But-" Akane spoke up again.

"Perhaps you should let Ranma in, he's sounding a little frantic," Soun said looking over at the trembling door that was obviously being pounded to death by Ranma on the other side.

"…I don't want to talk to him," Akane snorted.

"If he's said anything, I'm sure he didn't mean it. He's probably waiting out there to apologize," Soun explained.

"Well then he can wait all night if he wants, I don't want to see his face right now!" Akane snapped, turning her head from the door.

"Akane…" Soun sighed. The dojo master then just shook his head and waved the smelling salts underneath Aine's nose.

Surprisingly the smell actually managed to rouse her, proving that the hit Aine had sustained wasn't too serious.

"_Holy crap, did anyone catch the license plate number of the car that hit me_?" Aine groaned out in perfect English.

Soun and Akane both started at the girl in surprise. Aine continued to moan for a while as she gently raised herself into an upright sitting-position.

"Um…Aine? Are you all right?" Akane asked.

"Do you want me to find you some painkillers for your head?" Soun offered as well.

"Uuuuugh, no…I don't need any drugs thank you, my brain feels cloudy enough," Aine grumbled, holding her head with both hands, not opening her eyes for anything.

"Aine, I'm so sorry; I didn't mean for you to get hurt and if I'd know that the edge of the table was going to catch you in the forehead and send you to the floor so hard I wouldn't have-" Akane began to apologize rapidly.

Aine just moaned miserably and bent over so that her knees were now directly in front of her eyes. The girl's grip on her head remained the same.

"Quuuuiet! No noise! Not a whisper! Not a cough! Nothing! I don't care that you want to apologize! I just want silence!" Aine groaned.

"I-" Akane spoke out anyway.

"SHHHHHHHH!" Aine snapped back.

Soun got up silently and walked over to Akane's side.

"Take care of her, Akane. I'll go get a wet rag for her forehead. Just try and keep the lights off and the noise as minimal as possible and she should be fine in a few hours," Soun whispered into his little one's ear.

"Okay, dad. But if you want me to keep it quiet, I think you should send Ranma away," Akane answered back.

Soun nodded formally then walked to the door. He somehow managed to make it out, despite Ranma's still continuous banging. After a moment that banging stopped completely and two sets of feet could be heard walking away, down the stairs.

Akane got up from her desk and hit the light-switch casting the room into darkness. Unfortunately the tranquility only lasted a moment because just then the storm outside really started to pick up and a giant bolt of lightening illuminated the sky and was accompanied by an earth-rumbling roll of thunder.

"_Jesus Christ!" _Aine swore, once again in English. "When things go wrong, they really, really go wrong! Ouch, ouch! Trust my cruddy luck to send a freaking lightening storm just in time to play havoc with my concussed head!"

"I'm really sorry, Aine," Akane said. Another bolt of lightening illuminated the room just in time for the Tendo girl to see Aine waving one hand at Akane dismissively, while the other hand continued to clutch her head.

"It's okay, really it is! Ouch, ouch, ouch! I mean it could have happened to anyone, right? Oouch, oouch, oouch! Just tell me, _oh freaking a-hole this really hurts, _why you were telling your dad to send Ranma away. It wasn't for that crack he made about your breasts, is it?"

Akane jolted in surprise at the fact that Aine had actually heard her whispers from across the room but answered anyway.

"No he um…when you were knocked out he said that um-"

"Never mind, I think I can guess. The idiot said you had bad control of your strength, right?"

"Pretty much," Akane sighed heavily.

Aine moaned pitifully but lifted her head from her knees and looked over at Akane (an action that Akane only saw thanks to another lightening bolt). "I don't think you are out of control at all."

"You don't?" Akane asked.

"You are as undisciplined as hell, but I get the feeling that flipping a table is probably the least amount of damage you can do. You are just well…to be blunt…kind of hormonal."

"What!" Akane snapped angrily. Aine moaned and held her head tightly.

"Your voice, Akane! Your voice!" Aine moaned.

"Sorry," Akane said softer, "what do you mean I'm hormonal?"

The rain began to fall while Aine flashed an easy grin at the girl who had just whapped her into unconsciousness. The chaotic yet almost musically rhythmic tap-tap-tapping of the rain on the roof helped to ease the tension out of the room.

"All right, I stated that badly. I know that your hormones are probably a very small part, if a part at all of why you are always so uppity. What I meant to say was that you are a very…emotion-driven person. I can tell that when you are angry, you are angry and when you are sad you are sad. You don't mess around with your emotions; you just change emotions rather quickly and feel them very passionately."

"I can't tell if you are saying that as a bad thing or not," Akane said hesitantly.

"Well it's not exactly a GREAT thing when it means you get into such a rage that you knock-out perfect strangers in your attempts to throttle your loose-lipped fiancé," Aine laughed warmly. "But being passionate isn't something I'd ever condemn either."

Akane looked at Aine for a long moment in the gloom and was about to say something when Nabiki slammed open the door, bringing a flood of light into the room.

"Akane, I can't find any of Aine's night-clothes; so how about letting her borrow a pair of yours," Nabiki said not noticing the pain-filled gargle that came from Akane's bed as Aine tried to bury her head beneath the entire freaking mattress to escape the painful wash of light.

"Nabiki! Aine just woke up! She has a really bad headache and all the noise you're making and all the light you're letting in isn't helping!" Akane snapped.

"Sheesh, sorry, I was just trying to be helpful," Nabiki said rolling her eyes once before leaving the room. The lock clicked firmly back into place as Nabiki closed the door after her but Aine remained unmoved.

"Sorry about that," Akane apologized.

"Just…turn on the light, find me something to sleep in and don't listen as I start cursing," Aine mumbled from underneath the mattress.

Akane laughed nervously and flipped on the light (Aine politely decided to start her dissertation of cuss-words in German so Akane wouldn't understand). Akane then began to dig around in her closet to find something for the girl to change into. Akane knew that most of her pajamas would be an inch or two too short of Aine in the leg and in the chest…well Akane's pajamas were all pretty loose so that wouldn't be a problem.

The young Tendo daughter rummaged around in closet or about ten minutes then pulled out a nightgown that had been 'donated' to her wardrobe by Happosai. As you would expect from the dried up little leech the ensemble wasn't exactly anyone's definition of 'modest' but it was surprisingly non-translucent and it would fit Aine's more…err top-heavy figure.

If Akane just gave her some pajama shorts to go underneath it then…on the condition she didn't bend over, Aine would be fine.

Akane blushed but pulled out a pair of pajama shorts and made the offer to Aine. The brunette picked her head out of the mattress to come face to face with a fleet of cute pink ducks. The childish print on the pajama shorts Akane held out only a inch or so from Aine's face didn't match the low-cut, thin-spun, black as night, short-short night-dress at all.

"Ummmm…where did the top come from?" Aine couldn't help but question.

"Well err…did Ranma happen to mention someone called Happosai over lunch?" Akane blushed fushia.

Aine grimaced but gave a tiny nod of comprehension. The poor girl then lifted herself out of bed (wobbling the whole time like her legs had forgotten what they were supposed to be doing) and immediately set to undressing.

"H-Hey wait a minute!" Akane blushed as Aine unfastened the last button on her jeans. Aine gave the Japanese girl a look of annoyed confusion.

"Akane, I'm tired, I'm achy and I'm about to don an outfit that a world-class pervert gave to you and, -not to insult you or flaunt anything-, fill it out almost to its maximum. Given all these facts I don't think that changing in front of you should be something to make a ruckus over," Aine said grumpily.

Akane thought this over then nodded in understanding. Aine dropped her jeans and gratefully stepped out of them. Akane noticed with some surprise that the girl's underwear looked like the boxers Ranma wore…only a lot shorter and pale mint green. The over-shirt hit the floor without divulging any new revelations but when that tank-top came off…Akane got the mental picture of a navy life-raft being opened.

"Phew, is that thing ever tight," Aine sighed in relief, not wasting time in changing, snagging the clothes out of Akane's hands and pulling the top on first.

"Please say that you aren't Japanese and that you're from a family of well-endowed women," Akane whimpered almost to herself. Much to her mortification Aine still heard and threw her head back in another warmhearted laugh.

"Don't you worry your pretty little head over those kinds of details, my dear. These floatation devices of mine may be big, but trust me they are also pretty darn troublesome. You should be happy with the fine package you've got and not be jealous of my burden."

"Not that bad a burden if you ask me," Akane pouted, her face stained pink and her eyes glued to the far window.

"And to answer your question, no I'm not Japanese. I'm pretty darn short for my ethnicity but I'm actually Gaelic…which is just a fancy term for, really old-world European. I probably have a fair bit of Slavic in me too, though I never stopped to really check. And yes, some of my family is well-endowed, but really I'm just pudgy and my fat goes to my boobs," Aine explained.

"You're European? Then what in the world are you doing in Japan?" Akane stared in shock. Aine just snatched the ducky shorts from Akane and slipped them on then slowly laid herself back down on the bed.

"Mmmm, I'll give Happosai one thing, he can sure pick a comfy nigh-shirt," Aine sighed gratefully. The girl stretched out on Akane's bed like a spoiled feline, arching until her whole back was off of the mattress.

"I wouldn't know, I've never worn it, or anything ELSE that Happosai has thrown at me," Akane snorted.

"Eh, that's not surprising. You are only a little bit more feminine than me when it comes to clothing…which you should take to mean that I think you dress more for comfort than for cuteness."

"Are you insulting my wardrobe now??" Akane snipped.

"When did I ever say that? I never said that. The only thing I said was that I think you dress functionally and are one of the few smart people in the worth that realizes fashion does not necessarily correlate with a person's ability and aptness to relate with the opposite sex. Too many times girls get all dolled up to impress a guy and lose out on the important parts in selecting a partner. I wouldn't date a guy who judged me by my clothing for all the gold in China," Aine said, never once turning her head away from the ceiling.

Akane rubbed the bend of her forefinger over her lips as she was prone to do when thinking over things. She then nodded, internally deciding that Aine really wasn't insulting her and that she (Akane) actually approved of the brunette's beliefs.

"Listen Akane, I'm about three seconds away from slipping off to the Kingdom of Morpheus so I suggest that if you want me out of your bed, you say so now," Aine mumbled, her voice already garbled with drowsiness.

"Um I'm not sure you should go to sleep just yet! I mean with your concussion and everything, you might-" Akane began.

"I doubt I'll drop off into a comma or anything as tragic as that, Akane," Aine yawned. "But if you want me to stay awake, I'll try."

Just then Mr. Tendo knocked on the door.

"Come in dad," Akane called.

"I brought a cold rag for you Ai-AI-AI-AIIII!" Soun gasped when he caught a glimpse at Aine's eh…feminine assets.

Aine opened one eye to stare back at Soun. When she realized the older man wasn't going to snap himself out of his daze she pulled Akane's comforter out from underneath her and threw it over herself. Soun was able to at least shake off a little of his daze but in the end Akane had to take the wet rag out of her father's hands and push the old man out of the door.

"I take back all the compliments I gave this nightshirt," Aine sighed heavily. Akane just shook her head and walked over to Aine's side and put the cold-cloth on her head.

"You should keep that on for a few minutes; I'm going to go downstairs and find a futon I can sleep on," Akane said turning to walk out the door.

"Akane, I can get out of your bed, if you want," Aine offered, even though her body-language was obviously saying, 'don't listen to a thing that's coming out of my traitorous mouth! I am finally beginning to feel better, I don't want to move, I'm not sure if I COULD move, don't make me move!'

Akane just told Aine to lie still and headed downstairs to look for an extra futon.

**Brief change of scene to outside**

Whoever had first put forth the idea that not even the worst of gales could deter a heart-in-love was an idiot, at least two certain girls thought so.

As all that drama went on inside, Ukyo and Shampoo had continued their vigil on the roof of the neighbor's house. They were sharing a pair of binoculars and huddling underneath an umbrella. Well Shampoo was the one doing most of the huddling and Ukyo was primarily the one looking through the binoculars but that was kind of beside the point.

"Shampoo hate the rain! Shampoo not want to get wet!" the purple-haired Amazon whined as she pulled her knees in as close to her chest as they could go to avoid any speck of moisture from landing on her.

"Oh put a lid on it, honey! We made a pact that we wouldn't leave this spot until we made sure that the match-maker Mr. Tendo hired was disposed of, you're not going to let a little drizzle change your mind, are you?" Ukyo said as she focused her binoculars on an upstairs window.

"Easy for Spatula-Girl to say, she not cursed," Shampoo growled.

"Easy there cat-girl, I didn't mean it. We shouldn't fight each-other when there's a mutual enemy we need to crush first," Ukyo half-heartedly apologized.

Shampoo let out a disgruntled 'hummph' and stuck her petite nose in the air. Ukyo ignored her and returned her sight to the house.

Just then she noticed a familiar little black pig scrambling over the rooftop, obviously aiming to take the less Ranma-ridden route to Akane's room.

The lights in Akane's room had been turned on briefly, but only for a moment. Apparently Akane had dressed and gone to bed. Ryoga seemed to have perfect timing when it came to sneaking into Akane's room. Ukyo momentarily wondered if the boy's sense of direction had somehow been substituted with an innate sense of when it was the right moment to sneak into Akane's room. Weirder things had been proven true.

Ukyo sighed and lowered her binoculars. She knew that if 'P-chan' was there, nothing much was going to happen. Ryoga wouldn't LET it happen.

The short order okonomiyaki chef yawned and allowed her eyes to droop, just then there was a boom and a trio of screams.

**Back inside the Tendo house, just a few minutes before the scream**

Ryoga, or P-chan as he was referred as in his piglet form, thanked his lucky-stars that he had once again managed to conquer his terrible sense of direction and find his way back to his beloved Akane.

Seeing the blanket-concealed lump on the bed and taking it for granted that it was Akane, P-chan happily trotted over and set to work cuddling into Akane's side.

The lump of blankets moaned and shifted. A pillow was brought up over the head and the blanket was kicked out by the feet. Used to this type of restless behavior P-chan didn't move. It was only when the person on the bed squirmed around so that an already mention pair of some-things-soft became situated right at P-chan's eye-level that the piglet became uncomfortable.

Knowing these couldn't be his Akane's breasts and yet unable to tear his eyes away, P-chan's whole body turned pink. It certainly didn't help that the slight squeal that escaped his mouth caused the lump to moan as if in pain and shift around, causing the night-gown to twist and the already low neck-line to plunge down even further so that one breast was almost loosed from the night-shirt completely.

"SQUEEEEEEE!" poor P-chan squealed.

Aine whipped the pillow off her head at the sound, caught sight of P-chan and started to yell herself.

"HOLY CRUD!! WHAT THE HECK IS THIS!! AKKKKAAAAANNNNEEEE!" Aine screamed, grabbing P-chan's round little body and heaving it at the ceiling.

Unfortunately it just so happened that the particular beam Aine tossed P-chan at was not the sturdiest in the whole world, having taken quite a few wallops from Akane over the years. When Aine threw her piggy projectile at it, the last bite of strength it had gave out and it collapsed.

As if the falling lumber, plaster and ceiling-tile wouldn't have been bad enough, you must also remember that it was still raining outside, meaning a hell of a lot of freezing-cold water came rushing into the room as well.

At about the same moment the water came flooding into the room, Akane returned with a futon underneath her arm. The scene she returned to, however, was not one that she was prepared to handle.

Standing on her bed in the middle of all the debris was a figure of someone definitely not female.

The man, whoever he was, was definitely not a light-weight, packed with enough muscle to make a professional athlete turn green with envy. The muscles were only part of the whole package, as the man's frame was certainly part of what made him look so impressive.

He was about the same height as Ryoga but a lot leggier, sort of like a Michelangelo sculpture, and speaking of Michelangelo, even that man wouldn't have given this guy so much (not that Akane could see anything besides a bulge or anything, but it was still kind of obvious) masculinity.

His face was very angular, but not unpleasantly so. His eyes were a brilliant green framed with thick eyelashes that any girl would die for. His nose was definitely that of a foreigner and his lips were pretty dang plush for a guy.

His hair was chestnut and hung to his waist except for two braids which hung in front his ears, and the crown of his head was wrapped with a bandage. His shirt was black and cut so low that Akane would see the poor guy's freezing nipples…and a half heart birthmark that should NOT have been on a man, but rather SHOULD have been on a woman, on Aine!!

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!" Akane screamed.

Aine, or whoever this he-she was, looked over at Akane in panic then dove down to haul Akane's comforter over his shoulders.

"Akane, calm down, I can explain everything I-"

"RANMA!!!" Akane yelled, turning tail and running back into the house.

"AKANE!!" Aine yelled jumping from the bed, still holding the blanket over his shoulders, and dashing after her.

He never even noticed P-chan right on his heels.

The race to explain before he was killed had begun.

**Chapter End**

**Masaka: **I have more I want to write but I want to divide it all up into more chapters

**Yami Masaka: **You handled the secret revelation pretty well, hikari.

**Masaka: **Well I used proper Ranma one-half humor to convey my message so I knew I couldn't go too wrong

**Yami Masaka: **It's really great, 'Saka…but now it is twelve-o-clock midnight and I think you need to get to sleep.

**Masaka: **AWWWH! But yami, tomorrow is my last day of Spring Break and-

**Yami Masaka: **And you still need to work on some homework little missy. I want you in bed, NOW! …Besides the laptop is starting to get pretty hot, I think you should turn it off for the night

**Masaka: Sighs **Fine! Please read and review my story. All flames will be met with a sob-story that will make you feel like Hitler reincarnated for picking on me, all constructive comments (negative or positive) will be met with gratitude. **Slinks off to bed**


	3. Chapter 3

**Masaka: **Welcome Back! Glad to See Ya! Enjoy the Show!!

**Yami Masaka: **And send reviews already damn it! You lazy bums have no idea how hard it is to- **gets knocked out with Masaka's ****Muse-Control Mallet**

**Masaka:** Sorry about that

**Start Chapter!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**

**Review from Last Chapter**  
_In the last chapter we found out that the mysterious new guest of the Tendo household, Aine, is actually a man, or at least one of those cursed by the Jysenko Springs._  
_Now our new character has to do some very fast-talking to explain him/herself before Akane gets reinforcements to bash his/her brains in._  
_Also this new player will have to contend with Ukyo and Shampoo who are just across the street, thirsty for a chance to cause some damage, as well as 'P-chan' who has once again managed to find his way to Akane's house_

**End Review!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**

Being a world-traveler from a young-age, Aine had faced a lot of unusual things.

He/she'd faced down giant scorpions while searching for secret potions' recipes in Egypt. He/she'd faced down a snow-creature in the Andes Mountains. He/she'd run across very fickle spirits more times then he/she could remember and he/she'd even survived a high-society charity ball during which he/she'd been dealing with the private yet very suggestive troubles of one of his/her richest clients.

None of these things, however, had given Aine any help in devising a defense against the parents and loved ones of a thoroughly freaked out young-girl.

That particular problem still managed to cause Aine untold grief every time.

With all the speed of a man on fire Aine ran after and reached Akane, slapped a hand over the girl's mouth and (still unconscious to the fact that P-chan was behind him/her) dragged them both into the closet

In the total darkness Akane looked even lovelier than she had in the half-light of the bedroom. She also looked like she was trapped between the dual desires to scream and cry in panic or break every bone in Aine's body.

Spunkiness always attracted Aine. He/she thought it was by the most alluring quality a girl could have. That particular quality had always caused Aine untold grief as well.

"Well now that I've got your attention, Akane. I think you and I have some things to discuss."

_**Ranma ½ Special: The Epic of the Lover's Last Chance Gypsy Caravan**_

_**Episode Three: "99 couples down, one to go"**_

For such a small piglet P-chan had a freaking mountain-lion's bite. At least that what Aine thought as he/she clutched his/her bleeding leg.

Aine had leaned into Akane to start her/his whispered conversation with the girl when the dang ball of as-of-yet unprocessed pork product had sunk its nasty little germ-ridden fangs into his/her flesh.

Under normal circumstances Aine was actually pretty good with animals and enjoyed their presence…P-chan, however, was really testing his/her patience.

"F-ING LITTLE!! ACK!! MY LEG!! YOU!! I CAN'T BELIEVE!! BLOOD!! AND WITH MY HEAD!! SCREW IT ALL!! NO WAY TO MAKE A LIVING!! OOOOOOOOOOUCH!!" Aine wailed as he/she tried to put pressure on the flowing wound.

In the struggle to save his/her flesh, Aine had been forced to let Akane go. But fate was kind in the fact that Akane couldn't totally escape due to the faulty lock on the door that could only be opened from the outside.

(A/N: You can bet Soun and Genma installed that nice little feature for Ranma/Akane troubles)

Now Akane was pressed tight up against the door with P-chan sitting on her shoulder like a deranged parrot.  
The girl was in a defensive position that Aine didn't have the heart to tell her he/she knew how to get through in half-a-second.

"Okay now, you imposter, you are going to tell me who you are and why you are here before I decide to do something really…really…bad to you," Akane scrambled for a threat.

Aine figured it was because she was so panicked that the girl hadn't thought of a better threat.

"What the heck do you think I was TRYING to do? You ran off screaming like a banshee crying for the whole of the British Isles!! The only reason I grabbed you was because if I didn't you would have gathered up everyone in the house to help play Break the Aine-Piñata!! Gees!!" Aine wailed as tears of shame and panic burst from her eyes like water from a sprinkler.

"Why should I believe you, huh? How do I know you are some wandering transvestite rapist closet murderer?" Akane shivered.

Aine took a deep breath the help him/her regain control of his/her voice. Just because his/her leg felt like it was going to fall off didn't mean he/she should get so uppity. If he/she was ever going to get out of this situation alive he/she needed Akane to understand him/her.

"Your fiancé, Ranma, is just like me, isn't he?" Aine asked softly and without any facial expression.

"Ranma has a Jusenkyo curse on him! He isn't some crazy tranny-"

"I'm NOT a TRANNY for GOD'S SAKE!!" Aine whined pitifully. "I mean come ON, Akane! What kind of tranny could imitate boobs like mine, huh? No matter what kind of latex or whatever-the-hell material movie boobs are made out if I used that they wouldn't have looked real that close up would they?"

Normally Aine tried to avoid discussions about her. . .eh-hmms but Hell would be the newest vacation spot for nuns if she/he would let Akane get away with calling her boobs fakes!!

Akane's blush said all Aine needed to know. P-chan even turned a little pink (which made Aine think even more about the kind of bacon the piglet would make). The girl realized that her accusation was hasty.

But then a thought obviously struck Akane because her fists weren't lowered an inch. "Well if you aren't some sick freak, then what are you?"

"A gal just trying to travel on the road alone! Didn't I tell you this over dinner? After I was nearly-hijacked on the road to Bangkok so I detoured to the Cursed Training Grounds and cursed myself with the water from the Sping of the Drowned Man!! I'm sure I told you this!" Aine whimpered and wailed anew.

"You cursed yourself!" Akane stared in shock while P-chan's little piglet jaw dropped as well and his eyes bulged.

"Eyes back in your sockets, porky, or I'm going to make my breakfast tomorrow a plate of freshly cured bacon and bloodied ham steaks!" Aine growled at her little attacker in annoyance.

It may have just been her imagination but she thought that the little pig's expression was one of challenge.

"You never mentioned the cursing yourself part over dinner!" Akane snapped.

"I didn't…but I was sure that I…oh…I must have wandered off on the details huh…oooooh…oops?" Aine said with a casual shrug after a long moment of thought.

This must have been the last-straw for Akane because the girl fell over in shock, P-chan tumbling down with her.

Aine smiled apologetically and waited for the girl to get back up. Akane made it to her knees but then gave up the will to rise and let out a very heavy sigh.

"My life is a freak-show," the Japanese youth groaned.

"Awwh, come on," Aine tried to grin cheerfully. "It can't be that bad."

"Wanna bet?" Akane glared evilly at Aine. Wisely the young man decided to back off while his alter-ego still had his parts intact.

Just because Aine wasn't naturally a guy, it didn't mean she hadn't learned to respect the…delicate nature of certain body-parts of her male-half.

"Okay, whatever you say, it's your life after all," Aine said timidly.

Akane leaned the back of her head heavily against the door behind her and stared even more intensely at the young man in front of her then before.

When Aine had just been a beautiful girl that Ranma had come home with Akane hadn't been totally concerned. Ranma dragged girls home all the time; it was never that big a deal…

But now that Aine was a cursed half-woman half-man…well…Akane could imagine that Aine and Ranma would match together pretty well. No matter what the weather was like or who was dropping water-balloons they would still be an 'appropriate couple.' And to think, Akane had actually started to like her…err him…either.

"So why are you here?" Akane asked, pushing the jealousy out of her mind for now.

Aine didn't seem to be openly coming onto Ranma, so maybe there was a chance that this wasn't another rivalry/ old romance that Ranma had gotten involved in during his traveling days.

God, the boy got around more than a Marine apparently.

"Well…um…I…I have a business-deal with your father that I will be working on for the next few um…months…and um…" Aine said nervously shrinking back into the wall.

Given what she had heard Akane and Ranma say about match-makers over dinner Aine was very hesitant to reveal her true intentions.

"What business could you have with my da…" the light when on in Akane's head. "You're the match-maker dad hired."  
P-chan squealed in shock and tumbled to the floor again, this time in a dead-faint.

"Uh-huh," Aine sighed heavily.

"Hmmph, why didn't you say that in the first-place. What was with that whole cover up story about having to travel around to collect medicines and junk?" Akane snorted in anger.

"That is also part of the culture of the Lover's Last Chance Gypsy Caravan though… You see when the children of the caravan reach the age of twelve we come into the time called the 'age of confliction'. We are not children and yet we are not adults. We know what love is but we have no real experience with it. …My grand-aunt…Mistress Yvonne…she instated the rule that all children must past a certain test to be deemed a true gypsy…to prove that we can understand love, passion and life in all its complexity. Each twelve-year-old is given a cart filled with merchandise from the Caravan Corporation and we are given letters from individuals asking for help in their love-lives… Collecting medicines and new secrets is very important to our training but the more important part is the couples…to be allowed to return to the caravan…to be given the title of gypsy and to be allowed to move into another branch of caravan employment the child must match-up 100 couples… So far…I have matched up 99…this puts me in the top-ten percentile of all the apprentices from all the families in the caravan…it is doubly impressive because I am two-years younger than most of the other gypsies-in-waiting…" Aine explained clearly and as plainly as he (he was male right now) knew how.

It was a rather tender-subject talking about his/her lineage. He/she had such pride in his/her background and yet others were always mocking it. After being called Esmeralda once-too-much Aine had just stopped telling people about the caravan and had stuck to calling the match-making process a corporate job.

What Akane thought of all of this Aine wasn't sure. Despite a great nagging desire to see the expression on the young lady's face, Aine couldn't gather up enough courage to lift his gaze up from his lap.

Finally Akane broke the silence. "Well you know, of all the stuff I've heard over the last two years you're background is the one of the few that doesn't seem so very far-fetched."

Aine snapped his head up to look at Akane in shock. Instead of a look of absolute loathing or annoyance or any of those other violent and aggressive emotions Aine had expected to see, Akane was smiling very faintly.

"Y-you mean you aren't going to. . .have Ranma or your dad bash my head in?" Aine blinked in shock.

"Please, if I wanted you dead I could do it myself. I'm a martial artist too," Akane snorted.

"Oh um. . .yah?" Aine smiled weakly.

Akane chuckled freely while P-chan (who had woken up half-way through her story) continued to eye Aine warily.

"Considering all the crazy stuff my dad has done to try and set me up with Ranma, hiring a match-maker is the sanest thing yet," Akane explained.

"Ah um well. . ." Aine shrugged not sure what to say.

"So. . .how exactly did you plan on pairing us up anyway?" Akane asked.

"How um well. . .I didn't have a concrete plan yet. I'm still in the getting-to-know-the-clients stage. It isn't a popular method but I prefer to take things slow at first and process all the different levels of compatibility between two people," Aine said as he scratched the tip of his nose thoughtfully.

"What kind of compatibility. Like astrological signs and stuff?" Akane blinked.

"Astrology? Nah, that is old-school stuff. I'm more into the REAL stuff like senses of humor and life goals and priorities and stuff like that!" Aine said flashing a thumbs-up at the girl. "It takes too long to properly map a person's life out in the stars. Newspaper tabloids make it seem easy but to give you a proper horoscope and then compare it to Ranma's it could take years and access to some highly classified star-charts."

"Whhaa?" Akane gapped.

"The Lover's Last Chance Gypsy Caravan, like any organization, is very protective of the tools of its trade," Aine explained.

"Wow. . .your job sounds a lot more difficult than I thought. Now I feel kinda bad for planning on throwing you out," Akane said in awe.

Aine shrugged casually. "If you did give me the shaft it wouldn't be the first time. I've been thrown out of a lot of places. Also I've done things that have caused me to have to leave places really fast. I am notorious for not always matching up the 'intended couples'."

"What?" Akane stared.

"I told you I am a modern theorist in my field. I feel that some couples are never meant to be and in those instances I use my position to officially absolve marriage contracts. I nearly started a war in China for stopping the marriage of these two tribes' kids. The girl was hopelessly in love with a servant of her own house and the guy had the biggest crush for a girl in another great family," Aine explained.

"The two couldn't STAND each other because they only wanted to be with the ones they really loved. So I helped smuggled the girl out of her family's compound in one of the hidden compartments of my cart and I gave the guy some grappling hooks so he could escape into the mountains near his family's estate."

"Sounds adventurous," Akane said hesitantly.

"Oh it was! I still have some scars from the whipping the families gave me!" Aine laughed. "So when it comes to your match with Ranma you don't have to worry about a forced union. After two months if I see you two just can't work your problems out I'll get your fathers to let up and I'll match you both with other people."

"SQQQQQQQQQQQUUUUUUEEEEE!" P-chan said in what Aine was sure was an ecstatic tone before bursting through the screen door and running out of the house.

"What in the world is wrong with him?" Akane and Aine blinked.

**Masaka:** I had such a hard time deciding on the pronouns! Dang English and its non-neutral gender system!

**Yami Masaka**: 'Saka is having a hard time getting the story going past the first bit; so give her some slack. She is trying but she's so busy these days that she doesn't have time to be a dedicated writer.

**Masaka:** Oh that was nice my dark **growls threateningly **

**Yami Masaka:** ACK! Oh and uh remember that Aine is a girl and isn't gay and when she's talking about how cute Akane is she means it in a strictly girl to girl type way. It's the same way fan-girls squeal about their favorite manga-heroines. Also Aine is still suffering from a head-injury and obvious has a low tolerance for pain.

**Masaka: **And by her many comments about P-chan thus far I guess you can guess that Aine isn't exactly a card-carrying member of the PETA


	4. Chapter 4

**Masaka: **Since my stupid essay isn't coming together I want to write something else!!!

**Yami Masaka: **You'll be up until midnight working on that other paper

**Masaka: **I won't! I'll figure it out somehow!!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA  
_Last time we learned that Aine is really a cursed traveler from the Lover's Last Chance Gypsy Caravan. The girl-boy explained to Akane that she is on an official mission to get together 100 couples so she can return home. Aine also tells Akane that if after two months Aine doesn't see some sign that Ranma and Akane can stay together she will dissolve their marriage and set them up with others._

_Ryoga, disguised as P-chan, is overjoyed to hear this news and bursts out of the closet the two girls are locked in._

_!!!!!!!!!AND NOW FOR THE EPISODE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!_

After much struggle Aine and Akane were able to unlock the closet they were in.  
Immediately upon exiting the closet Aine dropped to his knees and begged Akane to not tell Ranma about her secret. Aine explained to the short-haired girl that if Ranma knew about her being a match-maker he would fake every response making it impossible for Aine to tell whether or not he was meant for Akane.

"But. . .why is it so important that Ranma shouldn't know?" Akane asked. "I mean I know and that could mess up your observations too. . .couldn't it?"

"You're less petty," Aine mumbled in embarrassment. "I mean . . .no offense or anything but your fiancée is sometimes as emotionally mature as a little kid."

Akane stuffed her fist into her mouth to keep from making any undignified sounds.

Maybe Aine was more on top of things than she'd first thought. She'd obviously figured Ranma out.

"O-okay then. . .I won't tell him. But then what am I going to tell everyone about the roof and why I screamed?" Akane asked after taking a moment to calm down.

"I don't know. . .tell them. . .tell them that the roof just fell in and you thought I was crushed, that should work," Aine shrugged.

"But, how are you going to turn back into a girl before-" Akane asked.

Aine winked confidently at the girl. "Don't underestimate the number-one apprentice to the gypsy ways, Akane. I can sneak down to the bath no problem."

"All right. . .but you better be careful. If you get caught I'm not going to bail you out," Akane huffed.

"I know," Aine smiled as he got to his feet. He started off towards the stairs when he paused for a moment in thought. "Akane. . ."

"Yes?" Akane asked.

"Um. . .I was wondering. . . you've been a really good sport about all this and I was wondering. . .if I could do something for you to make up for this shock. . .and for the roof," Aine said sheepishly.

"What do you mean?" Akane said cocking her head to one side in confusion.

"What I mean is. . .well you see. . . I've been traveling the world for a long time so I know a lot of things. . .stuff you wouldn't be able to learn just anywhere and I was wondering… if maybe you'd like some help with your martial arts, or some cooking lessons or beauty products or something," Aine explained.

"WHAT!! REALLY?? YOU'D GIVE ME WHATEVER I WANTED?" Akane gasped.

"Well yah! I mean, I'll be teaching you stuff later after the two month trial if all goes well but um. . .those lessons are all about patience and understanding. . .you know basic couple's psychology and stuff and well. .. I was wondering if you'd like to learn something extra," Aine explained.

"OH!! OH!! That would be wonderful!" Akane smiled brilliantly.

That smile caused Aine knees to tremble a little. Damn cute spunky girls. They always got the better of him! And it always bit him in the donkey later on.

"G-great um. . .we can look over the stuff I have to offer later. . .like tomorrow or something," Aine coughed trying desperately to hide the embarrassed croak in his throat.

"Okay!" Akane said before she darted off down the stairs to present the false excuse to her father and the others.

Aine watched her go with a look of almost brotherly fondness.

"To think, just a few minutes ago she was willing to hand me over to the execution squad. . .and now she can't wait to start learning for me. Oh what a crazy world we live in."

With that thought in mind Aine crept down the stairs. She didn't even notice that the wound on her leg was leaving a bloody trail down the stairs.

_**Ranma One-Half Special: The Epic of the Lover's Last Chance Gypsy Caravan**_

_**Episode Four: "Two Months, My Love." **_

The bad thing about turning back into a man after any time spent with Akane was that there was a moment in which he was naked and far away from his clothing.

For a long time Ryoga had to suffer a humiliating and death-defying dart out to wherever he'd stored his backpack (strangely that was the one thing he could reach without ever getting lost) and whipping on his clothes.

Once Ryoga had accidentally traumatized some little girl when he darted out of a public bath-house to his backpack.

Luckily the child was only three-years-old so her parents couldn't understand she was hollering about. Still, Ryoga had been pretty panicked about that.

However, as time passed the cursed youth had gotten more tactful. Only Kasumi knew it but Ryoga had several sets of clothes stashed in the Tendo house.

So basically even if the guy showed up with nothing on his back he still didn't have to borrow clothes.

So after his break-out from the closet P-chan started a bath (turning the knobs with his snout was a lot easier than you'd think) dove into the hot water and got dressed.

All before Akane or Aine had even gotten out of the closet.

After turning back into his human-self Ryoga immediately took it upon himself to inform his 'allies' of the situation.

He'd seen Ukyo and Shampoo perched on that roof across the street. He knew they'd be all too willing to help him make sure Aine didn't get a good impression of the Ranma and Akane's relationship.

In two months' time, the Tendo-Saotome union would be absolved and Ryoga would be free to pursue Akane without any problems.  
What Ukyo and Shampoo were going to do with Ranma, Ryoga wasn't sure, but he hoped they wouldn't cause too much trouble. Akane was a sweet girl and wouldn't want to see that idiot soon-to-be-ex-fiancé hacked in half after all.

"_But even if you do break Akane and Ranma up for good, what happens to Akira?" _a traitorous little voice in the back of Ryoga's head asked.

Akira? …Oh…yah.

"I can still see Akira even if I break up Ranma and Akane. If I have an equal chance to date them both than I can see who I really like and not just whose the forbidden fruit!" Ryoga declared passionately.

"_If you say so," _the little voice said snidely.

"I do say so," Ryoga snarled back at it.

"Oh Ryoga, what are you doing here?" Kasumi asked as she walked around the corner into the hall where Ryoga stood.

"AH!! AH!! H-Hello, Kasumi. I-I was just passing through and I uh- I didn't mean to barge in but I uh- I gotta go!" Ryoga darted off in embarrassment.

"Oh goodbye then," Kasumi waved friendly after the boy. "That was sure peculiar."

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ukyo was sure that she was going to freeze over completely. She couldn't feel her toes and her nose was frozen solid.

"Meow! Meow! Meow!" Shampoo whimpered from her place on the cook's shoulder.

"This stinks! Something happened over there, but we can't look into it because apparently it was just a little 'household accident'," Ukyo said spitting out the words Soun Tendo had used to describe the explosion the girls had witnessed before shooing them away.

That man was getting smarter about not inviting Ranma's rivals into the house. Kasumi was still as hospitable as ever but Soun was hard to get past.

"I'm probably going to get a cold from all this," Ukyo grumbled angrily.

"HEY!! UKYO!! UKYO, WAIT UP A MINUTE!!" a familiar male voice called from behind her.

Ukyo looked over her shoulder in surprise to see Ryoga running over to her with his steel umbrella held protectively over his head.

"Ryoga? What are you doing out here, sugar, I thought you were staying with Akane," Ukyo asked.

"I was but then I overheard something! You'll never believe what's going on! Akane and Ranma-" Ryoga began to start.

That was as far as the poor boy could get though before he tripped over his feet and went sprawling into the gutter.

It only took a few seconds before Ryoga was so soaked he turned into P-chan.

"Oh man. This is the last time I worked with cursed people," Ukyo moaned before she scooped P-chan and his clothes up and continued her trek back to her restaurant.

AFTERTWOHOTBATHESANDAWHOLEEXPLANATIONBYRYOGA

"After two month Aine-girl will break up Airen and Kitchen Destroyer's engagement?" Shampoo parroted what she had just heard.

Unfortunately for the gorgeous Chinese Amazon her dress had been washed away in a flood of water coming down the street that her little kitten body couldn't fight against. So she was wearing one of Konatsu's kimonos.

Disturbingly it looked very lovely on her.

Konatsu had been hesitant to hand it over but Ukyo had insisted and what his 'mistress' said was what happened.

The tranny was now in his room above Uchan's and was to remain there until opening time tomorrow.

"That's only IF Aine determines that they aren't suited for each other," Ryoga corrected his fellow cursed.

"Still, this is great information to have," Ukyo said chewing on her thumb almost absentmindedly. "I mean if what you heard is true it sounds like this girl, Aine, won't let anything stop her from ending an unfit marriage."

"Yep, I'd bet that even someone as powerful as Cologne couldn't stop that one," Ryoga nodded in agreement.

"But, even if that so, how we to insure Aine break Ranma and Akane up?" Shampoo asked.

"We just have to mess with them, is all," Ukyo explained. "If we can push them just right, then I know Ranma-honey will show his dark-side and everything will go to pieces."

"Yes, Shampoo get basic point!" Shampoo growled in annoyance, "but what we do SPECIFICALLY? Do we make Akane get mad at Ranma over cooking insult? Do we kidnap Akane and make it seem like she run away?"

"I think we can do something that's a lot simpler than that," Ryoga chuckled darkly.

"What?" Ukyo and Shampoo asked with baited breath.

"Think about the situation for a minute. Aine is going to be spending a lot of time with those two. If we can make it so that Ranma catches a glimpse of the guy Aine with Akane, then we can make it seem like they are a couple."

"And then what?" Ukyo asked.

"Well I'm betting that after I left Aine made Akane swear to not reveal her secret. So as far as Ranma is considered he will think some stranger has come in and captured Akane's heart," Ryoga explained.

"And if he think that, he dart all over city to try and find guy! But we make sure Aine no get caught and thereby keep Ranma from impressing match-maker!"

"And if Ranma questions Akane directly we're still covered because Akane will get mad at the accusation that she's dating some guy on the sly," Ukyo said.

"Uh-huh. And knowing how proud those two are if we just feed the disagreement a little they will be avoiding each other until the two months are up," Ryoga smirked.

"Oh, sugar, I didn't know you were so devious," Ukyo laughed darkly.

"I'll do whatever it takes to keep Akane from marrying the wrong man," Ryoga glared.

"So is team then?" Shampoo asked.

"Yah!" The other two agreed.

Outside the lightening flashed as if to seal the promise.

**THE NEXT DAY AT THE TENDO DOJO**

Luck had been kind to Aine and by morning her headache was completely gone. Her leg still felt awful though and she was sure it was infected with some unspeakable disease. After getting 'rescued' from the broken pillars in Akane's room Aine had immediately excused herself to her wagon and had slathered the bite-mark with every antibiotic and cleanser that was in her cart (which was now parked outside in the lawn because Soun blamed HER for it breaking his wall).

Still, despite all the seemingly bad things that had made Aine nearly give up before she began, things were still workable. Akane was on her side and no one had dragged her out in her birthday suit and tied her to a rack (long story).  
The only thing that was really unlucky was that damn PIG!!!

"I swear, if I see that pig again anytime soon… oooooh I will make bacon burritos with blood-sauce! Dead I tell you! Dead!" Aine grumbled as she sprayed a little more of the antiseptic onto the wound.

She was probably doing more harm than good at this point. The wound was looking a little pink and Aine's skin stung a little but the girl was stubborn.

Aine reached for another jar on her shelf when the door to her cart swung open and Akane came walking in, dressed in a sweater and

Capri-jeans.

(A/N: I had a bit of an obsession with describing the clothing of girl characters that I think are cute, besides I think Akane needs to be shown as a more casual dressing light. Why she is drawn in so many dresses is a mystery to me because Akane really isn't the dress type)

"Morning, Aine! I brought you some breakfast," Akane said cheerfully brandishing a plate almost overflowing with rice and fish and other such Japanese edibles with a tiny bowl of miso soup stuck against the tower like a little village clinging to the bottom of a mighty mountain (or perhaps more fitting, a volcano).

"Oh, thank you Aka-"

"WAIT!!" another voice yelled before the plate even made it to Aine's outstretched hands.

Ranma burst into her little home-away-from-home looking like a political messenger carrying a letter to a general to delay a battle on the very eve of the fight.

"Don't eat that! Akane helped with the cooking this morning and it's too dangerous for you to eat!!" Ranma yelled.

Aine wasn't sure what to make of that comment but Akane seem to take none too kindly to it. She shoved the plate into Aine's hands and then walloped Ranma over the head with the nearest object from Aine's shelf (which unfortunately happened to be a valuable cauldron which was used to takes glimpses into the future).

"My cooking is NOT that BAD!!" Akane screamed at the boy. With every syllable she clanged the pot against the boy's skull.

'_Would it be gauche for me to mention that Akane now owes me ¥ 200000 for the antique she just ruined?'_ Aine thought privately to herself as she watched the show of violence.

Finally Akane seemed satisfied and threw the now miserable hunk of copper out into the yard.

'_Eh, I'll let it pass for right now.'_

"Oh right! And that's why the last person that ate it had to get his stomach pumped," Ranma snipped, reminding Akane of the incident in home economics a week ago.

Because Akane was Akane she still had plenty of suitors at school she had asked a nearby student in her class to taste her broth and see if it was too salty and the poor boy had been overly eager to lend a taste bud or two.

He had just gotten out of the hospital a week ago.

"That was a fluke! I've gotten much better at cooking since then!" Akane snapped.

"Yah right, I bet Aine will pass out on the first-bite," Ranma snorted.

"I'll take that bet! Aine! Go ahead and eat some of the rice!" Akane yelled at the poor girl.

Aine looked between the two teens helplessly. She wasn't sure what was going on but she had a feeling she had just put herself into a very vulnerable position.

"You aren't serious about Akane's cooking being so bad. .. are you Ranma?" Aine blinked.

"Uh huh," Ranma nodded solemnly.

Aine then looked over at Akane who was doing her cute girl thing by staring at her with hopeful eyes.

'_No, Aine! Don't be stupid! You've fallen for this trick before! Don't forget Paris!" _her inner voice (which sounded disturbingly like her male half) screamed in panic.

'_If it's really bad I can spit it out. You're right about remembering Paris, but hey, I learned when to spit things out didn't I? And that girl is a decent cook now if you'll remember,' _Aine told herself.

'_Yes, but only after you nearly suffered from a lethal dose of some wacky spice! You went into a comma for nine days!'_

A shaft of light glittered over Akane's face causing her eyes to sparkle like the emerald fields of Ireland.

'_Damn it' _her and her inner voice thought as one.

Aine picked up the chopsticks and pinched off a small bite off the fried rice. Ranma didn't help her nerves any by gagging in panic and turning so he could run for help at a moment's notice.

Still under the command of the bright green eyes Akane dropped the grains of rice onto her tongue and gave one tentative bite.

It was bad! REALLY bad! Like oh-my-god-something-was-slaughtered-and-its-carcass-is-laying-across-my-tongue bad. But, whether you believe it or not, Aine had tasted worse.

"I've never heard of someone using mustard in a fried rice dish," Aine blinked in surprise. Aine swallowed the bite and put the plate down.

"I suppose it is an edible dish, if one doesn't mind the taste, but I have to agree that it is not a particularly tasty confection."

"HA-HA!!" Ranma crowed triumphantly.

"You said Aine would pass out after one bite! She's fine! She just said it tasted bad," Akane defended though her cheeks were stained red with shame.

"Same difference! You couldn't cook a decent meal to save your lif-AAAAAAAAAAIIIIII!!!"

Ranma was unable to finish his statement because Aine had a tight and nail-filled grip on his ear.

"There is no need to be so rude to Akane, Ranma," Aine said sternly. "It is considered good manners to let the defeated party retain SOME pride after a battle."

"MY EAR!! MY EAR!! MY EAR!!" Ranma wailed. Akane stared at him in shock.

"Whoa! Usually I'm the only one that can quiet Ranma, and even then it usually takes a giant whack to his head," Akane blinked.

"Oh head-trauma is highly overrated, Akane," Aine smiled indulgently. "There are at least one-thousand ways I can think of that can easily silence even the most disagreeable party without resorting to extreme force."

"I regret EVER inviting you to the dojo!" Ranma wailed. Aine just chuckled and let his ear go.

"Oh don't be like that Ranma. I can still see your point-of-view. It was nice that you warned about the food so that I didn't take too large a bite and overwhelm my taste-buds. All I'm saying is that you didn't have to be so…harsh about the way you said things."

"Well sorry," Ranma said rubbing his ear.

"I guess I'll take the food back then," Akane sulked as she reached for the plate.

"No, I'll eat it," Aine dismissed.

Time stood still for a moment.

"You'll what?" Ranma gapped.

"I said I'll eat it. Obviously Akane put a lot of effort into the meal and it would be very rude of me, as the imposing party, to refuse my host's hospitality. I will eat it, and take some stomach medicine after to make sure that there are no…lingering problems," Aine shrugged.

She had endeared herself to many hosts by accepting things that others would refuse. When she had been on a case in Ireland she had been given a hand-knitted sweater that was not only a most disturbing color but seemed to be a little deformed as well. The girl had been very upset by the results but Aine had just patted her on the head and worn it.

Then she'd taken a picture of herself in it to use it as a pity device to get more money from Grand Mistress Yvonne for some expenses that arose.

"Y-You don't have to eat it if it's really bad! I-I mean, I'm used to people not eating my food!" Akane gasped.

"Yah! Don't be stupid, Aine! You have a whole life to live still!" Ranma agreed before getting another Akane bash. (Aine mentally totaled up the new sum that Akane now owed her for ruined merchandise).

"Don't be silly, I am perfectly able to handle questionable cuisine. I've eaten meal-worm stir-fry; I can certainly eat mustard rice!" Aine said sitting down and picking up the plate. "Besides Kasumi made some of the food, right? That means only half of this will make me sick."  
Akane and Ranma looked at each other in shock then both sat down to watch Aine eat. They both knew then that Aine could be a friend they could count on.

QQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQ

**Masaka: **I got the self-sacrificing idea from Fushugi Yuugi! Tamahome eats all of Miaka's food as a sort of penance after insulting her and gets a very sore tummy for his acts.

**Yami Masaka: **We were going to go on longer but we figured this chapter is plenty long as it is.

**Masaka: **That, and I've been writing this chapter in between finals and final papers


End file.
